June 30th, 2010 - One Month Celebration of Stahlwalker - Let's get Drunk

Stahlwalker.com has been on the good internets for one month now.  Yeah, buddy.  So let's celebrate stupid people doing stupid things on celebration juice.  I'm talking beer and liquor.

Crown Royal for my brother.

This is just a dedicated, creepy drunk.

And this is what my vision of hell is.  All this beer...

...and even more hard concrete.

And by the way, Agent OlmTreeHomeSted sometimes your words hurt.  "Why did you text me, just roll over!"  Funny, but painful.

June 29th, 2010 - Tuesday's with Dave?

Random book, but still a classic.

So I didn't spend the day with Morrie, but I did hang with Nosajmunson and Douche Chill at Famous Dave's.

I highly recommend the Devil's Spit Burger.  That is some good shit.

Almost as good as walleye.

We are now 8 days from the annual fishing tournament.  Check out my fishing page for more details on that, but I have a secret weapon this year.  Thank you to Nosajmunson for the GREATEST LURE IN AMERICAN HISTORY.

MOTOMINNOW!!!

If you pull the string out it, it scoops up water and beats it's mechanical tail on the water.  Since it floats on its side it splashes water.  Supposedly it leads to this.

Mind you if you can't trust the MOTOMINNOW, then you can't trust it's creator, Chuck Woolery.

June 28th, 2010 - Confessions

So with the Americans out of the World Cup, the sport decided now is the time to make a confession.  While many expected this news all along, it still pains people to see that all is not right in the world after all.

So remember expectant mothers, when he/she kicks in your stomach, it's not to say that they are going to be a soccer player, but "Hey world, I'm a future field fairy!!!"

June 25, 2010 - Take your Dog to work Day

For you keeping score at home, today is National Take Your Dog to Work Day, while I wasn't able to take him to work, Charlie did wear his "shirt and tie" just in case.

Look at that little devil.

June 23, 2010 - USA vs. Marathon Men

Landon Donovan, kind of a big deal.

So now the USA will play Ghana in the "Soccer Sixteen".  I am trying to get that name to stick so feel free to use that around the water cooler.

Also don't you love it when you discover the greatest product in history and then 12 days later you have complete vindication. 

WIMBLEDON 2010 - MARATHON MATCH ISNER v. MAHUT

A game that started Tuesday, suspended due to darkness, resumed Wednesday, suspended due to darkness, will resume Thursday with official match time at exactly 10 hours.  The fifth set alone broke the all time match length record.  The following text is exact quotes from an ESPN.com article:

The first-round match had already been suspended because of fading light Tuesday night after the fourth set.

They have been playing each other for exactly 10 hours -- 7 hours, 6 minutes in the fifth set alone, enough to break the full-match record of 6:33, set at the 2004 French Open.

"At 58-all, more than 6½ hours into Wednesday's action, both players took a bathroom break. Not much later, shortly after 9 p.m., Mahut and Isner approached the net to discuss with a Grand Slam supervisor, Soeren Friemel, whether to keep going Wednesday."

So the part that blows my mind is how in ten hours of playing have you only had one bathroom break.  And mind you it was shortly before play was called for the second time.  They almost played tennis for 10 hours with out going "tinkle".  It even caused ESPN and others confusion as ESPN reported on Sportscenter that Andy Roddick, a famous US tennis pro, to tweet how did no one have to pee.  Then it dawned on me.  That you do what you have to do, you pee in blue.

AHHH....SWEET DENIM VINDICATION!!!

June 21, 2010 - Want to hear a dirty joke and/or rant?

If you answered yes, then grow up.  Actually, I would love to a good one for you, but all I have is this classic to show you today.  Click the link to see it from Two and a Half Men or you can read it here.  "If girls with big boobs work at Hooters, where do girls with one leg work?"

I don't want to go on a rant here, but that's the only good part of IHOP, is it being the punchline of that joke.  If you like IHOP you are disgusting.  You are more disgusting then Rosie O'Donnell stripping at a bachelor party.

I can't wait for my bachelor party, for my buddies we went and played paintball.  I got shot in the face.  And when did "oh, facial" become a term for someone getting slammed.  Was it off the movie Dodgeball, remember to dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge.  At the beginning of the movie Justin Long is wearing a World's Only Corn Palace t-shirt.  The Corn Palace is in my hometown of Mitchell, SD.  That is where I am originally from, before UND and Colorado.  I hate the candy Wherther's Original.  Speaking of original, this brings me back to my original question.

What the hell is a rant?

June 20, 2010 - Happy Father's Day

So today is Father's Day, while I am not a father myself, unless you consider a terror on four legs named Charlie my kid, I can only praise the real father's out.  Even though I consider Charlie my kid and some people don't, I'm going to talk about him anyway.  This is Charlie.

The reason I consider him a kid are the following:

1) He's awesome, like myself (Takes after Dad).

2) He's extremely costly like a kid, so much so that we actually have VPI Pet Insurance.

3) He makes me smile and laugh 50 times more then angry.

But the real day is for human dads, and no one person as influenced me more then my dad.  Happy Father's Day Joel. One of my favorite rituals every year is the Theeler Fishing Derby.  I am part of the same three man team each year consisting of my dad, my brother, and myself.  As a tribute to my dad I am unveiling my new fishing page which will be dedicated to the art of catching Walleye, the only fish we competitively fish for.  Looking forward to another chance at the money in less than a month.  Will be updating it more and more as the adrenaline builds for July.

June 19, 2010 - The DMV, more like F ME

So the Stahlwalker has purchased a new car and with that he received a free Chinese riddle.  The likes of the great debate, Chicken or the Egg.

So now that we know what really happened there, what about the Stahlwalker's issue.  I purchased a new sweet ride, a 2008 Chevy Malibu LTZ.  Yes, it's fully loaded with under 16,000.  I want to get it registered in Colorado where I live, but "das bu" is being repaired in South Dakota.  It has no license plates so I can't drive it to Colorado, and they won't let me buy plates until the car is in Colorado for a VIN verification.  If only I had a Levy that I could just drive to in my Chevy.  It's like if a guy has to sell his blood to get medication for hepatitis, but can't sell it because he has hepatitis.

So the bosses meeting was a very successful meeting, but I paid the consequences.  We went downtown on the night of the fifteenth and I think I just recovered from the hangover.  There was mechanical bulls, beer, new bars, beer, confusion, and more beer.  I about puked all morning and afternoon on Thursday, and finally recovered from sleep deprivation on this morning.

The world cup is still going on, obliviously, and the USA went from panic, to exhaling, to pissed off.  After falling behind by two goals at the break, they not only managed to tie it, but scored a go ahead goal in the 83rd minute.  Only to have it disallowed by a phantom call.  What the deuce FIFA?  I will post a clip after they decide what the fate of the referee is going to be.

Tomorrow is FATHER'S DAY! So don't forget to wish them a good day.

June 15, 2010 - Hollow Man

The big boss was none of the options below, it turns out he is the Hollow Man.

His flight get in late so he never showed up, unless he is invisible.  If that is the case then God help us all we are dead.

So I realized I forgot post a soccer link yesterday for the World Cup.  Apologies all around, I made a huge mistake.  Without further ado,

Hope to have some pictures of drinking beer with the coworkers and boss tomorrow!!!

Cross your fingers for a drunken' outing.

June 14, 2010 - Big Boss

It's a first for the Stahlwalker.  I meet my boss in person for the first time tomorrow.  I work at a remote plant from my boss and have only talked to him over the phone.  I have some theories how it's going to go.  Theory one is that my boss really is the Boss.

There is a slight chance that this is incorrect.  The only reason why I don't believe this to be true is that he has never mentioned a love of sponges on the phone. Which brings us to scenario two, my boss really is Senator Palpatine, aka Darth Sidious.

June 13, 2010 -Weekend thoughts

So the alliance of England and United States was never more honored then on Saturday in South Africa.  After England jumped ahead one zero Green, England's keeper, decided that he didn't want to make the United States feel bad and fall way behind the eight ball in group play.  He let in one of the softest goals in World Cup history.  It was enough to make me want to puke in a box and FedEx it to him in South Africa.  But as an American I won't do that, instead I will through a parade in his honor for keeping the USA in position to advance.  Now the US just needs to beat Slovenia and Algeria, who they are favored to beat in both matches.  Slovenia is the early group C leader winning 1 - 0 of Algeria.  Here is the goal that Green will most likely receive death threats from his fellow countrymen for.

Here is the way soccer should be played.

Random video of the day just because it's awesome, like myself.  Remember when you take someone's hard boiled eggs, you are taking more then his food, but his pride.

June 12, 2010 - Yanks vs. Brits

The world cup is underway and four games are in the books as I am updating this.  We are just moments away from USA vs. England.  Yesterday saw Mexico and France play to ties against South Africa and Uruguay respectively.  Today so far South Korea shut out Greece 2-0 and Argentina blanked Nigeria 1-0, but these matches are just the free bread before the main dish.  It's beer and hot dogs vs. bangers and mash.  It's steak and potatoes vs. fish and chips.  It's time to write football history.

Sometimes people just need to be reminded of the simple sentence of America, Fuck Yeah!

Let's go USA. 

June 11, 2010 - Enough excitement in marketing to make you want to poop your pants.

Did anyone else know that it was a contest to look the coolest while pooping your pants?  Obviously Huggies jumped out to the early lead by making denim doo doo rags.  But Huggies, challenge accepted.

This also got me thinking of other weird/funny marketing slogans and found a list of marketing slogans that don't translate so well.

13. When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, “It won’t leak in your pocket and embarrass you.” The company thought that the word “embarazar” (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: “It won’t leak in your pocket and make you pregnant.”

12. Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: “Nothing Sucks like an Electrolux.”

11. Clairol introduced the “Mist Stick,” a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that “mist” is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the “Manure Stick.”

10. Coors put its slogan, “Turn It Loose,” into Spanish, where it was read as “Suffer From Diarrhea.”

9. Pepsi’s “Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation” translated into “Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back From the Grave” in Chinese.

8. When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the smiling baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the labels of what’s inside, since many people can’t read.

7. Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.

6. Frank Perdue’s chicken slogan, “It takes a strong man to make a tender chicken,” was translated into Spanish as “it takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate.”

5. When American Airlines wanted to advertise its new leather first class seats in the Mexican market, it translated its “Fly In Leather” campaign literally, which meant “Fly Naked” (vuela en cuero) in Spanish.

4. An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope’s visit. Instead of “I saw the Pope” (el Papa), the shirts read “I Saw the Potato” (la papa).

3. The Dairy Association’s huge success with the campaign “Got Milk?” prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read “Are You Lactating?”

2. General Motors had a very famous fiasco in trying to market the Nova car in Central and South America. “No va” in Spanish means, “It Doesn’t Go”.

1. The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as “Kekoukela”, meaning “Bite the Wax Tadpole” or “Female Horse Stuffed with Wax”, depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent “kokoukole”, translating into “Happiness in the Mouth.”

It's opening day of the World Cup with host nation South Africa taking on Mexico followed by Uruguay vs. France.  It's finally started.  And no world cup would be complete without David Beckham.  Becks is hurt but still able to appear in Adidas' new commercial taking place in the Star Wars cantina.

Really, how?

The put a wedding ring on it and it instantly stopped putting out.

June 10, 2010 - It's a Hat Trick of Cups today, Lord Stanley, Miller Lite, and the World.

So Patrick Kane scored a goal eerily similar to the game saving stop by Julie "the Cat" Gaffney at the end of Mighty Ducks 2.  No one in the arena knew it went in except Patrick Kane.  The same as for the Cat, no one knew she stopped it except her.  Here is Kane's goal, even the announcer's didn't know it went in.

The Cat's save.

The only difference is that crowd in Hollywood cheered at the end instead of booed the NHL Commissioner.  Have to give props to Jonathan Toews, for not only winning the Olympic Gold this year, but also the Stanley Cup picking up the Conn Smythe for the playoff MVP.  He is a picture perfect example of Fighting Sioux Hockey Greatness.  Go Sioux!

So along with the Lord Stanley being dished last night, so were the drinks in Chicago.  Even fans in Philadelphia found a reason to drink this weekend.  Which brings to mind why didn't anyone get this kid a cup, way easier to drink.

And finally the World Cup starts tomorrow.  For the world this is biggest thing in Sports, for Americans it's one more month closer to American football.  The greatest actors/athletes compete in the most watched tournament in sports.  USA faces England on Saturday morning in their opening game in South Africa.  Last year, the Americans cheered on by Uncle Sam's Army made it to the final in the Confederations Cup.  Here's a refresher.

June 9, 2010 - Debuts, Work, World Cup

This is the debut of StahlWalker.com.  The site is ran by Anakin Stahlwalker, who is also the mastermind behind www.thedroidswearelookingfor.com.  I am using the same basic layout as another great site www.ihatepeacocks.com ran by Nosajmunson.  Check both out, but if you only have time for one, go droids.

All you need to know is the world revolves around almost everything but work.  Unless you can find a way to make money while at work, like Gob from Arrested Development.  Why concentrate on being a President of a company when you can make magic videos to sell?

Also unless you live under a rock you should know that the World Cup starts on Friday.  Go USA.  In order to get it off to the right start here is the music video for the official theme song. Even if you hate soccer, it's Shakira, so she's still damn hot so check it out.

Also, check out my sports pages as I give you the Anakin dose of all things sports related to the world's greatest teams.